


When You're Too In Love To Let It Go

by frerardestiel



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Anal Sex, Bullets Era, Explicit Sexual Content, Frank being a stubborn little shit, Gerard being really stupid, M/M, PWP, Pining, Sexual Tension, mentions of blowjobs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-06
Updated: 2012-07-06
Packaged: 2017-11-09 07:17:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/452795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frerardestiel/pseuds/frerardestiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Traveling the States with his band is probably the best thing Frank ever experienced.</p><p>Not that with Pencey wasn't good, because it was, just - the dudes in My Chem are his family and this band means more to him than everything else in the world. The only thing that sometimes keeps him awake at night and makes him want to drown into a bottle of beer (or two, or three) is that maybe he feels something else for one of his bandmates. He doesn't think he really wants to be Gerard's brother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When You're Too In Love To Let It Go

**Author's Note:**

> Shameless porn, because it's seems it's the only thing I can write. Set in the magical Bullets Era where my heart belongs, and because I still have a crush on bb!Gerard and bb!Frank (Look here and squeal with me: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6ql8aeLhp1rqnyf2o1_500.jpg) and they are totally perfect and I love thinking about them together.
> 
> Thanks to the beautiful people on Tumblr who cheered me up while I was writing this and having second thoughts <3

Traveling the States with his band is probably the best thing Frank ever experienced.

Not that with Pencey wasn't good, because it was, just - the dudes in My Chem are his family and this band means more to him than everything else in the world. The only thing that sometimes keeps him awake at night and makes him want to drown into a bottle of beer (or two, or three) is that maybe he feels something else for one of his bandmates. He doesn't think he really wants to be Gerard's brother.

It's just that the dude is so fucking passionate about what he does, about everything he says, he's smart and funny and, what the fuck, he's seriously pretty and Frank is totally head over heels for him and sometimes when they're packed in the van in the middle of fucking nowhere he finds himself transfixed on Gerard's lips or the way he keeps moving his hands while he talks and he has to tear his eyes away, aware that he's probably showing his love all over his face.

He'd make a move on him, but he doesn't know how, or when, or if he should, considering they're in a band together and what if Frank does something stupid? He would ruin the band and that can't happen. Ever. The band is the most important thing.

So he sighs and shakes his head and tells himself that he's doing the right thing and his crush will probably fade away soon on its own.

But at night, when they're in the van after a show, sweaty and tired and satisfied, he curls up against Gerard's side (even if the dude smells pretty bad - like old sweat, smoke, beer - maybe puke?) and sleeps with Gerard's arm around him and he dreams about kissing him.

\---

When it happens the first time, Frank is not prepared for it.

He and Gerard are smoking outside the venue, alone, because the guys are still inside getting smashed and eating pizza and when Gerard got up and said he wanted to smoke, Frank followed him because he knew there was something strange in Gerard's behaviour. Even for Gerard.

He was fidgeting more than usual, and avoiding Frank at all costs (when Frank tried to hug him earlier, he kind of swished away from him and Frank had to hide his hurt expression, because what the fuck?) and drinking more than necessary. It was routine for them to drink before the show - the Ways had this rule to never be sober and they tried very hard to respect it - but Gerard was really starting to freak Frank out.

So when Gerard runs away from the others, Frank simply follows him outside and finds him with his back against the brick wall, blowing smoke out with his eyes closed.

Gerard doesn't see him and Frank uses this to his advantage, slipping outside the door trying to be stealthy and walking silently up to him.

"What did I do?" He asks, grabbing a cigarette from his pack.

Gerard jumps and looks at Frank with big eyes, a little unsteady.

"Wha?" Gerard slurs.

Frank lights his cig and shrugs, trying to go for casual but he knows he's failing because he can't look Gerard in the eye without feeling like crying. He didn't know he was so fucking hung up on this guy, but apparently he is.

"You know, you're avoiding me and all. I did something and I don't know what, so please tell me so I can fix it."

"You didn't do anything." Gerard whispers, and Frank doesn't know if he's whispering because he's not sure about what he's saying or what. So he raises his eyes and looks up at Gerard's face, and he's slighty taken aback when he notices Gerard staring at his lips, like he's transfixed.

Frank open his mouth, not even sure what he's going to say, because wow, that's not really new but the way Gerard's looking at him is so hot he's practically shaking, and then Gerard leans in and licks his lip ring. Actually _licks_ it, his tongue warm and wet on Frank's skin. And Frank stops breathing, surprised, and he can't take his eyes off of Gerard's face, still so near to his own he can feel Gerard's breath cooling the patch of wet skin and he shivers from head to toe.

Fuck.

Gerard is still staring at his lip ring like he's going to lick it again and Frank groans, because holy fuck that's so fucking hot he can't even see straight anymore, and just throws what remains of his cigarette and grabs Gerard by the front of his sweater, so he can kiss him hard. Gerard makes a surprised noise, like he didn't expect Frank to jump on him, but Frank just pulls him against his chest and opens his mouth to lick at Gerard's lips.

Frank doesn't even know what's happening, everything is so fast and amazing and Gerard finally opens his mouth so Frank can slip his tongue inside and then moans, because he dreamt about kissing Gerard for so long he's actually a little crazy with it. Gerard tastes like beer and smoke, and Frank can't get enough of it, of those little noises Gerard's making, like he's enjoying it just as much as Frank is, or maybe he's trying to talk with Frank tongue in his mouth, Frank is not sure, but whatever.

But Frank wants more, he wants everything, he wants Gerard - so he opens his legs a little and feels Gerard slip between them and they both groan when they're finally glued together from chest to toe.

Frank has to pull away for a second to catch his breath and hits his head against the wall behind his shoulders. He opens his eyes to look at Gerard and finds him staring down at him like he's not sure what's happening or why it's happening, and his cheeks are pink and his lips are shining with spit and Frank whispers, "fuck!" before releasing his grip on Gerard's clothes to put both of his hands on his ass, so he can push him better against his now painful erection.

They both gasp - Gerard is maybe still surprised - and Frank whines in the back of his troath, watching Gerard from under his lashes and his face is so beautiful up close like this, with his big green eyes and pale skin, the hint of stubble on his chin and his firm ass under Frank palms. Fuck, everything is perfect.

"Gee-Gerard, I want to feel you, come here, come here," Frank says, his voice breathy, he pushes Gerard more against him but they're so close together it's impossible for Gerard to get even closer. "I want to you cover me."

Frank hears Gerard babble something like "Frank, I don't-" but then the door next to them opens, scaring the shit out of them, and Frank freezes up completely and feels Gerard jump back like he's being burned and then he's looking at Frank like he did something he wasn't allowed to do, before running away. He hears Ray say something to Gerard but he can't even talk, he doesn't know what to do so he just stays there, with his back against the wall while Ray smokes next to him, the cold air hitting him like a slap in the face.

He knows Ray is watching him, he knows he should probably go back inside and get ready for the show, but he can't even move. He's sure Gerard is inside freaking the fuck out and avoiding Mikey's eyes like he does everytime he's keeping something to himself and he also knows that's fucked up.

Fuck.

\---

The show is the only thing that helped him. He threw himself all over the stage, spit all over the audience and broke the mic-stand with a kick, blood all over his face where he split his lip in two when he hit himself in the face with Pansy and basically destroyed Bob's drums when he jumped off them into Bob's lap. He is bruised and sore and probably limping after all the things he's done, but at least he's not so angry anymore, or- Well, no he is fucking angry with Gerard, because after that kiss they shared outside the venue, Gerard basically avoided him for all the show, babbling things into his mic and leaving Frank alone on his side of the stage. It feels wrong not having Gerard all over him, they always sing and scream into Gerard's microphone and Frank likes when Gerard lets him lean on his strong body, when he's too tired, and only the presence of his bandmate is enough to make him go again, he needs it. They're a fucking band, they're in this together, and now it feels like Gerard is punishing Frank for something he didn't do.

Frank hands his guitar to a tech and leaves everybody behind, eyes set on the floor and fuming while he walks through the backstage and goes as far away from Gerard as he can. He sets his mind into the hotel night finally planned for tonight; and he just wants to go now because he can't wait, he's going to have a long hot shower and he misses using soap and sleeping in a fucking bed, he dreams about it at night, jesus. He opens the door of the dressing room and he goes straight to the chair where he left his jacket before the show, searching for his packet of smokes he knows he's stashed into one of the pockets. His bandmates follow him soon after and they are all happy and laughing and patting each other's shoulders and backs and Frank is too pissed off for this.

He glances at Gerard, who's not even looking at him, and then snorts derisively, flinching away when Ray tries to touch him.

"Ehy, man, what the fuck crawled up your ass and died?" Bob asks, looking at him sharply.

Frank is still watching Gerard, the same stern scowl on his face, and shrugs because Gerard's behaviour is making him madder, he just wants to go there and punch him in the face because what the fuck, it's okay to lick one of your bandmate's lip ring but then you're not even going to look him in the eye?

"You should ask that to our fucking singer, Bryar. I'm sure he'd explain it better." He spits, venom dripping form his words, and finally Gerard looks at him, eyes wide almost in a comical way, like he doesn't even know what the fuck Frank is talking about. This makes Frank explode. "Fuck you." He says directly to Gerard, pointing at him with his finger. "Fuck you. I'm out of here."

He storms out, opening the door with a loud bang and he lights the cigarette between his lips even before he's outside the venue. He smokes hard, sucking on the cigarette with a frown on his face, not even enjoying it like he would do normally. He's so pissed off he's just going to punch the wall until his hand starts bleeding, but then he remembers he needs it, he's a guitarist he can't just start punching things. He'd gladly punch Gerard's face, tho. He started avoiding him days ago and it was frustrating, yes, because he missed that motherfucker - they used to be close and kind of intimate, not in the way Frank would have liked, but better than nothing, and then Gerard starts licking him out of nowhere and then pretends not to remember it.

Frank is not down with it, not at all. He wants explanations and he's going to get them, he needs to think of a plan but they're going to be in a hotel tonight, it's not like Frank can't go to Gerard and punch him in the fucking face and then make him talk. He'd do it if he must.

Good, that's the plan. He'll shower and then go to Gerard's room, he thinks while he throws the cigarette's butt on the floor crushing it with the toe of his shoe.

\---

The shower is everything he dreamt of and everything he wanted, he even moaned out loud when he felt hot water on his back and smelled the perfume of his shampoo. He spent like half an hour just enjoying the sensation, he washed his hair three or four times and scrubbed himself down until his skin was pink and raw and he finally felt new again.

He jumps out of the shower and dries his hair with a towel that then wraps around his waist, finally smiling and pretty content for the first time in days, fuck, maybe weeks. He really needed that.

He should probably stop, now that he's here, he should just go to bed and maybe watch some tv, jerk off for the first time in months without having anybody close to him - shit he always wanted to jerk off with Gerard all over him, he wanted to kiss him and jerk him off, too. He wanted a lot of things, but he always stopped himself before he even got his hand inside his pants, he couldn't do it. He thinks that maybe Gerard would've'been more that okay with it and maybe he would've tagged along, maybe Frank would have finally touched Gerard's dick and not only on stage, with layers and layers of clothes between his hand and Gerard's cock. Maybe.

He grimaces at the thought and feels uncomfortable, because he knows Gerard doesn't feel the same, he's not attracted to him - or maybe he is, Frank is not really that stupid like everybody thinks - but he also knows that he is hopelessly in love with him, and Gerard isn't. That's what hurts the most.

And that's why he has to go to him and ask him what the fuck happened back outside the venue.

He doesn't even bother with underwear, it's not like somebody is going to pull his jeans down, nobody will ever notice; and then he uses the towel again on his hair because it's still wet and he doesn't need another cough or a fever, he's been sick a lot during this tour and he wants to avoid it if he can, and then he just grabs a t-shirt from his bag and tugs it over his head. Now or never, he says to himself, and so he picks up his key and turns the lights off, closing the door behind him.

He knows where Gerard's room is because they're on the same floor and he doesn't have to walk a lot; Gerard's door is only five doors ahead and he knows Mikey's not with him tonight because his girlfirend is here and they're probably fucking not too far away from where they are, and this is a slighty gross thought and he needs to stop now.

Frank sighs and puts his key in one of the pockets of his jeans, not so sure now that he's here. He passes his fingers through his orange hair and he knows that it's probably sticking up in weird angles because it's still damp, but he doesn't really care about his hair now, he just needs to talk to Gerard, so he knocks on the door and waits.

He hears footsteps on the other side of the ugly red panel, and he knows Gerard was probably smoking, or drawing, or drinking, or the three of them together, so it's not at all surprised when Gerard finally opens the door and he's still dressed in his stage outfit and his make up is all smudged under his eyes. His hair is wet and sticking to his forehead, but it's sweat from the show not water, the motherfucker didn't even shower. Frank doesn't even know why he's so in love with him, filthy pig.

"Oh-" Gerard says, unhelpfully. "Frank."

"Yeah, hi, can I come in?" Frank asks, in a cold voice nodding at the room behind Gerard's back.

Gerard seems to think about it, a stricken expression on his face, and Frank rolls his eyes at him and then pushes him with a hand on his chest, making Gerard almost fall on his ass. Gerard looks at him like he doesn't know what's happening, or why Frank's here, and this makes Frank see red. This is stupid and Gerard is a fucking asshole, and Frank is so done with this shit. He closes the door - well, maybe he slams the door, but he has reasons to be this angry and sometimes he just needs to let some energy go, before he does things he will regret - and takes a deep breath, leaning on it, his arms crossed on his chest. He looks sharply at Gerard and he sees the other one wavering under his stern gaze. He feels stupidly proud for it.

"Now, Gerard, you are going to tell me what the fuck is wrong with you, because I swear to God, Gerard, I..." He groans and he closes his fists, anger and frustration rolling out of him in waves.

Gerard is still staring at him with huge eyes, and then he takes a step back, sighing.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Frank."

Frank opens his eyes and looks at him, outraged. "What the fuck? Are you serious?" He shouts, he doesn't even care if he's too loud. "You avoided me for days and then you kissed me! And then you avoided me again! This is not cool, Gerard. What the fuck!"

Gerard looks down, like he's ashamed or maybe he's just trying to avoid Frank's gaze, Frank doesn't know, but he knows he doesn't like it.

"Look at me!" He says, pushing away from the door. "Look at me and tell me what the fuck is going on in you mind. I need to know." He stops in front of Gerard and just breathes.

"I said nothing's going on, I don't know what are you even thinking!" Gerard screams, with his high pitched voice that usually makes Frank go weak in the knees but now just makes him angrier. He groans and pushes Gerard with a hand on his shoulder. Gerard squeaks and looks at him, finally.

"Stop lying to me, you asshole! I know that something's going on in your fucking mind, you're avoiding me and you don't even want to look at me. This is bullshit. You kissed me and now you're acting like everything's fine, when I just want to fucking punch you in the fucking face!" He's getting madder and madder by the minute, Gerard is too calm for this, it's like he doesn't even care.

Frank does care.

"This is just stupid, I don't even know why I did that, it was ju-"

Frank doesn't even know he's punched Gerard right under his left eye until he hears his surprised yelp. And the tingling sensation in his hand means he really just punched Gerard in the fucking face. He stares at him with his mouth hanging open and his eyes almost popping out of his skull, his blood running cold in his veins. Shit, what did he do?

"Gerard, I..." Frank whispers, his voice raspy. He feels bad, he feels sick, he didn't want to hurt Gerard, he was just-

Gerard closes his eyes and Frank's heart stops beating. Great, now Gerard will hate him forever and he will get thrown out of the band because he couldn't even keep his hands still.

"Gee, I-" He starts again, but then Gerard opens his eyes and moves forward, pushing him against the door, hard. His back protests and he whines in his throat, feeling the hard wood clashing right onto his spine. "Fuck!"

Gerard's hands are gripping his shirt tight, and he's crowding Frank against the door. Frank can feel his warmth and smell him, he can smell sweat and smoke and probably beer, or something, and even if Gerard really needs a shower, Frank can't help but wanting more.

"You are a fucking asshole!" Gerard spits into his face, and Frank looks up at him, his hands shaking and his whole body a ball of barely contained energy.

"Fuck you," Frank murmurs. "Fuck _you_ and your stupid mind-tricks you're playing with me." His voice is trembling, like he's not even sure of what he's saying. "I don't want this between us."

For a moment, Gerard's grip on him looses and he looks taken aback by his statement, like he cannot believe it. Frank thinks it kind of looks like Gerard is hurt, his face crumples for a second and his breath gets stuck in his throat. But Frank must be wrong because he's sure Gerard doesn't want anything more than friendship.

And then Gerard speaks, his voice barely above a whisper and Frank is glad that everything is silent around them or else he would have missed it.

"And what do you want?"

Frank stops breathing, staring right into Gerard's deep green eyes. They're almost black now, in the semi-darkness of the hallway, and he spends a few moments just contemplating them, maybe for the last time. He has nothing else to lose, he already _punched_ Gerard and he will get kicked out of the band soon, so fuck everything.

"You." He simply says, his voice finally firm. Gerard gasps and Frank feels his heart flutter in his chest, a funny feeling, it almost makes him feel sick. "I want _you_ , you fucking jerk. I wanted you since the first time we met and I thought you knew it."

Gerard is still looking at him, surprise written all over his face, like he doesn't believe a word he heard, but his hands are hanging lose on Frank's chest, the grip on his shirt completely gone, and Frank uses the momentum to lean in and kiss him. It's a simple kiss, just lips on lips, but it's enough to make Frank's head spin, the proximity is intoxicating and he just want to press further and devour Gerard's mouth completely, but he doesn't want to freak him out.

The fact that Gerard isn't responding is not a good sign, his breath is kind of shallow and Frank swears he can hear his heartbeat right into his chest, they're pressed so close together, but it doesn't mean anything, Gerard is keeping still. He fucked up.

He starts to pull away when Gerard gasps again and he grips Frank shirt, keeping him where he is, flushed against his chest, and opens his mouth to lick at Frank's lips. Frank feels lightheaded and he doesn't know what to do, he's glad he's leaning against the door or else he would have slid down onto the floor. He moans loudly when Gerard starts playing with his lip ring, he feels his whole body shake and he's too warm under his clothes. He opens his mouth and his tongue meets Gerard's, swiftly. Fuck, this is too much and not enough at the same time, he can taste Gerard on his tongue, in his mouth, and he moans, real fucking loud, and he slips his hands over Gerard's chest until he can tangle them into his damp hair. They make out hard and hot like two teenagers for minutes, hands roaming everywhere and clothes getting in the way.

Frank really really wants to see Gerard naked, and he plans to see him naked right the fuck now, so he interrups the kiss and he ignores Gerard's whine, going immediately for his belt. Gerard's breath is coming in short puffs and Frank isn't better, he doesn't know how he's still breathing, honestly. And he doesn't care, as long as he's going to see and touch Gerard's dick, he's okay with it.

"Fuck, Frankie," Gerard whispers, and his voice is fucking wrecked, like he's dying for it just as much as Frank is, like they weren't just kissing, but doing something else, and Frank fucking trembles all over, and he has to close his eyes while he opens Gerard's jeans because he feels like he's almost coming, a cold tingling sensation washing over him. "You, too." He says, and he starts fumbling with his shirt and Frank is glad he opened Gerard's jeans without problems because he has to lift his arms and leave that patch of warm warm skin for an agonizing moment.

Gerard's hands are immediately on his chest, making Frank jump and goose bumps appear on his skin. He goes for Frank's tattoo over his left nipple, and Frank hits his head against the door, because Gerard's fingers are so good on him, and he's not even doing anything special, just brushing them on his tattoo, tracing the contours, but when he pinches his nipple Frank shouts and his legs nearly give out.

"Oh, my fucking God," he babbles and Gerard kisses him again, crowding him back against the door, slipping his thigh between Frank's legs and rubbing against his painful erection. Frank would like to take this amazing thing over to the bed and he tries to say this to Gerard with his tongue into his mouth, because he finds out that he really can't stop kissing him, but he doesn't think he's succeded. He pulls on Gerard's hair and he hears him grunt, but he finally moves his mouth and Frank takes a deep breath. "Gee, Gerard, c'mon, bed. Bed."

They both stumble towards the bed, Frank still with his arms around Gerard's neck and Gerard's hands on his back. He giggles when he lands on top of Gerard, making him yelp in surprise. He doesn't know why he's so surprised, where else he thought he was going? Frank straddles Gerard hips and looks at him. Gerard is panting and his hair is disheveled and his lips are red and he's fucking gorgeous, Frank just wants to bend down again and kiss him until they both need to breath. He wants everything and he doesn't know how is this even happening, everything is so strange and fast but he decides he doesn't care, as long as he's getting Gerard he's okay with everything. He's been in love with Gerard for fucking ever, he's not going to let this opportunity go to waste.

Gerard is looking up at him, moving his hands on his hips and sides, like he doesn't even know he's doing it, and Frank trembles at the tickling sensation.

"C'mon, get undressed. I want to see you." Frank says, slipping his hands under Gerard's shirt and pulling it up. Gerard's skin is milky white and smooth, his round belly soft under his fingers. It's not the first time he saw Gerard without a shirt, even if he's really strange with his concept of nudity or whatever the fuck he doesn't like, Frank doesn't understand. Frank likes going around with only a few clothes on, if he could he would go around completely naked, but he doesn't think people would be okay with his junk hanging out with them. It's a pity that Gerard feels the need to cover his body, because it's actually a really great body. Frank knows he's super self-conscious about his chub but he doesn't know why, he's all pale, and soft, and flawless and warm and Frank leans down and kisses his neck and collarbone, making Gerard jump a little. "I want to see you, raise your arms." He continues, tugging Gerard's shirt under his armpits and frowning at him. "Dude, I don't know what you think I'm thinking but I really want to see you naked and so the shirt has to come off, I'm not even sorry. Get up." He manhandles Gerard, who's just lying there looking stunned, and he finally gets to throw his shirt on the floor. Probably because Gerard was still so surprised he didn't even thought about stopping him. And wow, now Frank has a lot of new skin to touch and kiss and stare at, it's perfect.

Well, the dude really needs a shower but Frank smelled worse when they were all packed up together in the van and he had to sleep with his face smashed under Gerard's armpit. The smell of sweat is kind of gone away, not completely, but it's better now that the shirt has been discarded. Now there's this musky scent and smoke and new sweat clinging to Gerard's skin and hair, and Frank doesn't even care because Gerard's body is here, under him and waiting for him to do something. And Frank does. He leans down and kisses Gerard's ear, nipping at it and making him shudder, traveling down on his neck and shoulder. He hears Gerard releasing a long shaky breath and he smiles, pleased. He runs his fingers over Gerard's chest and he moves his hips over Gerard's, making them both moan when their crotches slide together. "Ahh." He breathes and Gerard pulls his hair until they can kiss again and Frank makes a happy noise, when Gerard's tongue invades his mouth. He tastes like alcohol and Frank knows Gerard was drinking all alone here in his room, and he hopes Gerard's is not too drunk for this.

He pulls away and pants over Gerard's lips, looking at him frowning.

"Gee, listen. Are you drunk?" He asks, moving away his hair from his face, so he can see his eyes. They're shining and a little red, but it's not unusual for Gerard. He doesn't seem too drunk, but Frank thinks it's always better ask first.

Gerard kind of grimaces and then says, "Yeah." like it's obvious. And well, Frank knows Gerard is drunk, or at least not exactly sober, but he doesn't think he's ever seen Gerard really sober ever. And he can still kiss and move his hips and he hasn't problems with his dick, so he just goes with it.

"Okay, but are you sure?" He asks again, because he wants this so much, he wants Gerard to fuck him and stay with him and they need to be on the same page, Frank needs to know.

Gerard shrugs, like he doesn't understand why he has to aswer all these stupid questions when the answer is clear, but then he replies and Frank smiles, relieved.

"I'm sure, yeah. I want you."

Frank growls back in his troath. "Fuck yeah. You should fuck me."

Gerard opens his eyes wide and stares at him, his breath stuck in his throat.

"Fuck Frankie." He moans, one of his hands gripping his ass, making him shift on his hard-on. Frank gasps and throws his head back, following the movement with his hips. "Yeah, yeah, I want to fuck you. God, Frankie, you're so hot. I can't believe-"

Frank doesn't know what Gerard was going to say, because he's busy kissing and licking Frank's neck and making all these wonderful noises and Frank is busy moaning. It takes a lot of work to get Gerard to stop licking and kissing him, not that Frank is complaining, but he wants more. He wants all he can take, and more. There's a lot of fumbling and clothes fliyng on the floor and moans and kisses and heated glances, but finally they're both naked and Frank's shaking with excitement.

When Gerard opens his legs and starts biting the tender flesh of his thighs before licking the marks and the pain away, Frank thinks he's going to die even before he's got to feel Gerard inside of him. It's just that Gerard is so intent, and focused, and thorough in what he's doing, that Frank feels overwhelmed. The touch of his fingers where they're keeping his legs up and apart, the warmth of his mouth on his cock and ass, the little needy noises against his skin, the strenght of his body; everything is almost too much to take. Frank is shaking with it, nearly sobbing and clinging to the sheets when Gerard starts to work his fingers inside of him while his mouth is still sucking his dick like he wants to do just that forever.

"Gee!" He shouts, tangling his fingers into Gerard's hair. "Gee, stop. Please, I'm-"

Gerard pulls aways with a popping sound and his fingers stop moving and Frank can breath again. He was so near to having an orgasm he even feels his toes tingling becaise of it. He opens his eyes and finds Gerard staring at him, drool on his chin and his eyes wide and clear and fucking green. Shit, he's so beautiful Frank's chest hurts.

He uses the hand still tangled into Gerard's hair to pull him in so he can kiss him. Gerard opens up for him immediatley and their tongues meet, making Frank weak in the knees because he can do it, he can kiss and touch and feel Gerard in ways he never even dreamt of. He makes Gerard slide his fingers out slowly and he sits up, pushing him down with a hand on his chest, so he's lying on his back.

Frank interrups the kiss with a grin and grabs the condom Gerard put there before he started devouring Frank, and opens it. Gerard is watching him with a heated espression on his face, following every movement of his hands.

He tears the little package and straddles Gerard's legs, so he can roll the condom on his flushed cock. Frank feels his mouth water and Gerard inhales sharply at the touch. Frank is glad Gerard took his time prepping him because Gerard is _hung_ , jesus christ. Not that Frank had ever had a doubt about it, the dude wears his jeans so tight Frank didn't even had to magine how big he could be.

"Yeah," Gerard whispers, when Frank shifts forward over his hips. He moves his ass on Gerard's dick and Gerard closes his eyes, just for a second, before he feels Gerard's hands grip his hips tight and he smiles, looking down at him.

He's so beautiful splayed there on the bed like this, all pale limbs and flushed face, his lips shining and red. He's perfect, Frank wants to have him all for himself, wants to touch him and kiss him, and feel his smooth skin under his fingers, the places where's chubbier and the best thing he ever saw. He grabs the lube and pours a small amount onto his hand, throwing the closed bottle back on the sheets; and uses it to wet Gerard's dick, nice and slow. Gerard's breath stutters and Frank leans in a little so he can brush his lips against the other's, feel his breath on his mouth and kiss him while he positions his dick to his entrance. Frank sits back on it, slowly, the initial resistence sending thrills through his body and the latex makes it easier, he thinks, he can slip down better thanks to the lube and it's so good, even if Gerard is a lot bigger than the fingers he used to prep him, but Frank relishes in the sensation of being full, the burn and the thickness of his dick, the presence of Gerard under him, his strong body between his legs, the way he's slightly shaking with the effort of not moving into the tight heat that's Frank's body, Frank knows.

They both moan and Frank feels Gerard's fingers tighten even more, probably leaving bruises on his skin and he moans from that just as much as from the sensation of being fucked. He takes a moment to adjust, sitting back on his haunches and releasing a big breath he didn't even know he was holding. He puts his hands on either side of Gerard's head and slowly opens his eyes, and he finds him staring up at him like he's in awe or something, and Frank can't help the little grin that's forming on his face. Gerard mirrors it and Frank sits straight, the movement making Gerard go even deeper and they both whine, too much and not nearly enough; Frank wants more, wants everything. He starts moving up and down on Gerard's dick, moving his hands all over Gerard's chest and sides, the sweat making them slip on the bed where they grip the sheets for a few seconds while he raises his hips or lets himself go down; Gerard's making these little noises in the back of his throat and he's actually setting a pace, helping Frank move with his hands still on his hips.

"Shit," Frank says, throwing his head back and panting at the ceiling. "Shit, Gee, you feel huge."

Gerard makes a strangled noise and his hips buck up, making him go deep deep and Frank yelps, shaking, when Gerard's dick hits his prostate hard. "Frankie..." Gerard pants, and Frank whines again, long and low in his throat, like he's in pain.

Frank puts one hand on one of Gerard's knees and then the other, arching his back obscenely, and then he lifts his own knees from the bed, feet planted firmly on the bed, and starts fucking himself in earnest on Gerard's dick. It's so much better now, his prostate is being stimulated every time he screws himself down and Gerard is lifting him up with hands under his butt-cheeks, making it easier. He fucking loves sex, he fucking loves the feeling of being used and full, and Gerard is making these noises and he's touching Frank like he can't stop, and Frank is enjoying this so much, he feels like he could cry from happiness.

"Jesus Christ, Frank," Gerard's voice is broken and breathy and Frank trembles, when he hears it. He opens his eyes and lowers his gaze on Gerard's face. He's pink and flushed and sweaty, his hair plastered to his pretty face, his perfect mouth is hanging open, slighty crooked, and Frank wants to kiss him so badly he's feeling sick with need. "You're amazing, so fucking good, yes, ah, yes, fuck," and Frank moans, out loud and wanton, and pushes himself forward using Gerard's knees as leverage, and just kisses him, using tongue and teeth and Gerard is surging up like he wants to devour him, and he's gripping Frank's hair to keep him where he is, still fucking himself onto his cock and still kissing him, needy and hard and perfect and Frank moans into Gerard's mouth, tingling from head to toe because holy shit he likes when people pull on his hair, and Gerard should do it more often. He thrusts down particularly hard and takes Gerard's other hand from under his leg to guide it to his cock. Gerard licks into his mouth and gasps, like he cannot breathe or maybe because Frank is still fucking himself like he's starving for it, or maybe all of this.

"T-" Frank needs to take a breath, but it's like he can't, he can't, everything he feels and smells and senses is Gerard, and it's intoxicating and perfect and his head is spinning but he doesn't want to stop, ever. But his body is already betraying him, he can feel his orgasm's building up from his balls to his belly and his stomach, and he needs just a little bit more. "Touch me, please. Please." He murmurs, his lips brushing against Gerard's, and he feels as much as he hears Gerard gasp. "Touch me."

"I- Yeah, baby." Gerard breathes on his lips and closes his fist around Frank's cock, making him jump a little and moan. Frank wants Gerard to call him baby forever, fuck this is hot. "Fuck yes, come on, like this, come on." He keeps chanting, moving his hand fast and making Frank's toes curl. "Come baby."

"Shit, Gerard, oh my fucking God." He slams one hand on the bed near Gerard's shoulder and shouts, loud - maybe _too loud_ , this hotel is really kind of shitty and the walls are paper-thin - but he can't even begin to care now, he's coming all over Gerard's hand and stomach, shuddering and writhing with the best orgasm of his entire life. Gerard makes a noise and his hips move, his dick sliding deep inside of Frank and then out, making him hiss and then moan, too sensitive. Gerard stops immediately and says, "fuck, I'm sorry," and Frank pants with his mouth open and smiles, then. "No, it's okay, move c'mon, I can take it. I want you to. Fuck me." He says and, even before Gerard can raise his hips, he starts to move slowly, circling his hips and making Gerard grip his hips again and moan at the ceiling.

He's the best thing in the world, Frank thinks. He could just stay here forever and he would never get tired of this. Gerard has is eyes closed and he's pulling all these stupid faces that are not really stupid but actually pretty hot, and his voice is wrecked and rough and Frank can feel his orgasm is coming, he knows it because his pace is getting impossibly faster and his breath gets stuck in his throat and then Frank is kissing his face, chest to chest, and Gerard hugs his waist tightly and stops, impossibly deep into Frank. Frank makes a noise, sort of like a gasp, and feels Gerard's orgasm inside of him, inside of the condom, and it's so fucking sexy.

He stays where he is, on top of Gerard, still straddling him. He giggles and kisses his earlobe, making him tremble. "Best sex ever."

Gerard makes a non-committal noise and lets him go, slowly sliding his hands over his lower back, like he doesn't have enough strenght to move them. Frank looks at him and, still smiling, sits up and raises a leg so he can lie on his back. He makes a face when he feels Gerard slipping out of him, the feeling of emptiness is always the worst after you had mind-blowing sex, but he's too tired to think about it. He's too content and he just wants to curl up against Gerard's side and sleep.

He hears Gerard move and he looks at him, watching him while he ties the condom and throws it somewhere on the floor. He makes a face and then giggles.

"Dude."

Gerard shrugs and lies back down on the bed and Frank stares at him, waiting for Gerard to say something. He hopes he will say something.

"You want to stay here?" He finally says while he's lighting a cigarette. Frank breathes out, relieved, and smiles accepting the smoke when Gerard lends him the cig.

"Yeah." He whispers and he tucks his head under Gerard's chin, like he's used to. Gerard's arm closes around his shoulders and Frank can't help but grin around the smoke, he feels happy and safe and it's the same as always, like when they are in the van and Frank and Gerard sleep tangled together, but it's even better, because now he knows that Gerard feels something for him and they had amazing sex and everything is perfect. But. "You really need to shower, though. First thing tomorrow."

Gerard huffs out a laugh and pushes him away.

"Shut up."

"You shut up." Frank retorts, throwing his arms around Gerard's waist and humming happily when Gerard hugs him back.

\---

The thing is, the morning after is the worst morning of his life, Frank thinks.

He wakes up and he finds out that Gerard isn't in bed. Maybe he'd followed Frank's advice and he's taking a shower, Frank thinks, so he listens closely to every sound around him but he frowns when he can hear only the chattering of people outside the window on his left and people using their showers and people walking in the aisle, behind the door. He feels his blood run cold and his chest hurts, because if Gerard isn't here with him it means he regrets it, he regrets what they did and Frank can't bear the thought of having Gerard so close to him a few hours ago and now so far away. He feels sick, like he's going to puke on the ugly stained carpet at the feet of the bed.

He gets up and looks around, but Gerard's things are still here, so at least they didn't leave him behind - not that he really thinks they'd have done it, but he's freaking out right now -and he gathers all his clothes and he starts to dress up again. He doesn't look around anymore, he doesn't want to. He's going to cry in a second and he doesn't want to cry here, in Gerard's room, like a pathetic loser. He closes the door behind his shoulders, when he's done, and drags his feet to his own, patting the pocket of his jeans where he put the key and he finds it there, relieved.

He opens the door and looks around. His room is pristine, he didn't even use the bed last night, and the pang in his chest gets back at full force. He hits his head against the closed door and grimaces, feeling shitty and used and so fucking bad that his stomach lurches and he bends in half because he's going to vomit for real. Gerard and him are officially done, he thinks. A good night of sex and then goodbye. He fucked up big time. He's not even glad he got to fuck Gerard because now he feels even worse, he got a taste of him and now that he knows that he can't have him again, he won't feel him again like he felt him last night, it's the worst feeling in the world. Well, at least he has his bags here and he's ready to go as soon as the guys kick him out of the band, he should just lie in bed until somebody - probably Ray or maybe Mikey, ready for a brother speech - will come to tell him goodbye and go away. He can do it.

So he just falls on the bed, his face half smushed on the pillow, and groans. His eyes are stinging and he doesn't want to cry, but he can't help it. He's not even making any noise, there are tears falling down his cheeks and into his mouth, but he's too tired to lift his hand and dry them - when he jumps five feet in the air, startled by his phone ringing loud in one of the bags on the floor. Shit, they're not even going to tell him goodbye to his face, they're calling him. He crawls over the sheets until he's perched on the mattress, so he can grab the bag and slip his hand inside. The cellphone is still ringing and he doesn't even look at the caller ID, he just presses the button and grunts into it.

"Where the fuck are you?"

Gerard's voice makes him choke on his own saliva and he's doubled over by a coughing fit, his usual luck. He makes a noise when he can finally breath a little, so Gerard knows he's not dead, at least.

"Frank, are you okay? Where are you? I went out to buy breakfast and when I got back, you weren't in bed anymore. Are you-" Gerard stops for a moment, like he's unsure about something, and Frank is still wheezing but he's listening to him, he wants to know what he's going to say. "Shit, Frank, are you upset? Do you regret it? I-"

"No." Frank whispers, and his voice is all groggy because he didn't use it at all since last night and then he almost spit his lungs on the floor, so he clears his throat. "No, I thought you were having second thoughts. I thought..."

"What the- Where are you?" Gerard sounds upset and maybe even pissed off, but Frank is not going to tell him that he's the last person on this planet that has the right to be pissed off at him.

"In my room." He deadpans and the line goes dead as soon as he's finished. Frank stares at his phone for a few seconds, dumbfounded, when there's a knock on the door.

He gets up and goes to open to Gerard, drying his sticky face with his hand. He cant' even say something before Gerard's on him, hands fisted in his shirt and a serious expression on his pretty face. He really looks pissed off, the fucker.

"What the fuck?" Frank squeaks.

"I'm not perfect, okay?" It's the first thing that Gerard says, making Frank stare at him in disbelief. He hears the door slamming closed but he doesn't care, Gerard is still pushing him and shouting at him and Frank is too shocked to say or do anything. "I know I fucked up too many times with you, but I thought that after tonight the things were different between us? I-"

"What are you saying, Gerard? I don't understand. I- It's you! It was you the one who always ran away, not me. You!" He says, pushing Gerard away, suddenly angry. Gerard stumbles back a little but doesn't lose the grip on Frank's shirt, looking at him like he wants to say something but he doesn't know how.

"I know. Frank, what did you think? That I wanted to fuck you and then run away?"

"Well, you did." Frank says, and he almost regrets it instantly when Gerard looks heartbroken. He leaves Frank's shirt and his hands hang limp at his sides, he's breathing fast and his eyes are huge and green and beautiful, and Frank feels like an asshole, even if he's still angry.

"You really think so? I know I made a mistake when I kissed you and then avoided you, but I was scared. I was scared that you'd hate me, after. But I was really drunk yesterday before the show and I couldn't stop." He says, and Frank can't breathe. "But then you said you wanted me. You were angry because I avoided you and you said you wanted me."

"I- Yeah. I do." He murmurs, his voice lost somewhere, and Gerard looks at him, hopeful.

"I do, too. I wasn't that drunk last night. I still knew what I was doing, I knew you were you and I knew you were saying those things to me. I sobered up real quick when we started fooling around." Gerard raises a hand and touches Frank's cheek, and Frank closes his eyes, turning his face into the touch, and sighs suddenly tired. He feels the tears coming back. "Frankie?"

He shakes his head and sobs, opening his eyes and jumping forward to cling to Gerard and kiss him. Gerard looks like he's freaking out but opens his mouth for him immediately, and Frank closes his arms around his neck and slips his tongue into his mouth. They are two idiots and it's not even a surprise for him, but still. He knows they have a weird relationship and he knows that it'll be hard, but he loves Gerard, he's ready to take the risk and be with him, if Gerard wants, too.

He pulls away from the kiss and sighs, looking up at Gerard.

"We need to start talking to each other, I don't think I can take these situations anymore." Frank says, smiling a little, and Gerard frowns before mirroring him.

"I even showered before I went out, you little shit. I was gonna bring you breakfast in bed and I don't know who does that, but I know it means that I'm sure about me and you and that I really want to touch your dick again."

Frank cracks up, finally relieved because Gerard said he wants to be with him, he did all those things for him and he even wants to have sex with him again.

"Where's my breakfast, then?"

Gerard stops and looks around, like he's expecting to find coffee and pastries somewhere in Frank's room, and then looks sheepishly at Frank. "Eh. I left it in my room, I was a little upset when I came back and you weren't there."

Frank has to kiss him again, at that, and then he shakes his head because he can't stop smiling. "How about we go back to your room, eat brekfast and then I give you a blowjob?"

Frank sees Gerard's eyes are shining and he feels his chest fill up, like the pain just faded away and now there's this big bubble of something really funny and beautiful in its place. And then Gerard smiles really big and laughs.

"Works for me. As long as I can return the favour." He replies, making Frank crack up again when he makes a stupid sexy face.

They kiss again, giggling and shoving each other like two children while Frank grabs his key and his phone, and follows Gerard out. He makes sure that the door really is locked and then turns around, pocketing the key. He'll come back for his things before they have to check out, it's not like they're in a hurry, they still have all afternoon for themselves, to rest. Even if Frank's sure him and Gerard are not gonna rest a lot, today.

He stops in his tracks when he sees Gerard's hand in the air, waiting for his own. Frank looks at it for a moment and then grins, locking his fingers with Gerard's and sighing happily when Gerard leans down to plant a kiss on his lips.


End file.
